


Field Trip

by damthosefandoms



Series: Gotham Academy Shenanigans [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics), Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, I can write serious things just not this lmao, I stole that tag from my friend lmao thanks Katie!, I wrote this whole thing on my phone six months ago, also it’s written the way it’s written on purpose, bruce gets called a dilf by some random Gotham Academy student, but it’s like FUNNY I swear, dick wants to die because of this, dont yell at me I am a good writer this was a choice, it’s kind of supposed to be a joke, kind of pure crack, no editing we die like robins, out of pure boredom, that’s it that’s the whole point of the fic, the world needs more fics of dick artemis and barbara in school, the yj fandom is SLACKING
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:02:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25426585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damthosefandoms/pseuds/damthosefandoms
Summary: In which Dick forgets to get his permission slip signed, but did he really need one anyway if the whole point of the field trip is to go see his dad? Whose idea was this, anyway?
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Artemis Crock & Barbara Gordon, Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne
Series: Gotham Academy Shenanigans [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1906318
Comments: 50
Kudos: 543





	Field Trip

**Author's Note:**

> Like it says in the tags, I wrote this like six months ago because I was bored and had to get the idea out of my head. It's mostly a joke because of that, but it's FUN and that's the point. Also, there's a lot of like, run-on sentences and stuff, but that's because I think this fic flows better the way it's written (you'll see what I mean). It's entirely stream of consciousness or whatever you call it. But it works, so it's okay. 
> 
> Also: this is supposed to be a joke and not serious! I promise I'm a good writer, I'm good at grammar and everything; it's just that if I'm not writing a serious fic, I tend to go all loose on that stuff. It's more fun for me to write stuff that way, and I think that if you're not having fun while writing, what's the point of writing anything at all? That's how you lose motivation to write. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

When it’s announced that this semester’s big field trip is to Wayne Enterprises, Dick is struck with just  _ so much _ disappointment. 

The rest of the classroom cheers, because who  _ doesn’t  _ want to meet Brucie Wayne, or see the inside of the tallest, coolest, most technologically advanced skyscraper on the East Coast?

Dick Grayson. That’s who.

(Artemis is a  _ little bit _ intrigued. Barbara thinks it’s neat, but doesn’t tell Dick that.)

To be fair, the only reason it’s even mildly interesting to these kids is because  _ they  _ aren’t the kids whose parents  _ work  _ there. Wayne Enterprises employs like 99% of Gotham, sure—but most of the students here are the children of the 1%. Aka, the rich kids. 

Except Artemis. And Barbara. And a few others here and there. Actually, Dick’s the only one in his “friend group” (literally just himself and Artemis and Barbara, and sometimes Bette Kane, who usually hangs out with her OTHER friends who ARE the rich kids and are the ones Dick doesn’t like but ends up sadly hanging around) who  _ is _ technically part of that 1%. But it’s different. Because his dad—well, okay,  _ adopted _ dad, and Dick doesn’t call him that—  _ does  _ work at WE. He’s Bruce Wayne, so. Naturally. That’s how it is.

Whatever. Dick hears the news and sinks down in his seat so far that he’s not really sitting in it at this point. 

He’s so bored. Already. And the trip isn’t for another month.

He shoves the permission slip in his backpack and forgets about it. He’s got other things to worry about, like wondering what Alfred packed him for lunch today and trying to figure out ways to drive Artemis crazy both in  _ and _ out of the mask. 

* * *

The night before the field trip, Dick’s forgotten all about it. Bruce brings it up at dinner, and Dick remembers the permission slip he was supposed to hand in forever ago is sitting in his backpack—he’s about to go get it when the Batsignal appears in the sky (they see it through the window) and they remember that while they might _want_ a night off, criminals are assholes and won’t give one to them. Go figure.

* * *

Dick doesn’t have his permission slip. His teacher tells him she can’t let him go without it, so he says, “Okay, but that’s ridiculous, you only need the permission slip because our parents need to know about the trip and that we’re going off school property. I think my legal guardian, Bruce Wayne, knows that my grade is going to be going on a field trip to Wayne Tower where we’ll get to meet billionaire playboy businessman Bruce Wayne during said field trip. And it’s Wayne Tower. Legally, if Bruce ever dies I’m going to own it. I literally have my own seat at the table during company meetings (not that I ever use it to do more than spin around in the chair). I think I have permission to be at Wayne Tower????? I don’t think I need anything signed?”

The teacher blinks at him and says, “Legally, your parents—“ Dick isn’t even going to  _ touch _ that one, “—and/or legal guardians need to sign the paper to give permission  _ and _ to provide any and all information on possible medical issues, and to provide emergency contacts in the case of—”

“My emergency contact is Bruce Wayne, that’s W-A-Y-N-E, and if anything  _ does  _ happen to me and anyone  _ does  _ need to know my medical history, they can ask him directly because he will probably literally be five feet away from me.”

The teacher eventually lets him get on the bus against her better judgement, because this is Gotham and she’s probably hungover or something and no matter what the excuse is, she’s way too damn tired to argue with a thirteen-year-old today.

Dick just smiles as bright as possible despite that he knows today is gonna be super boring and he’s probably only gonna get a teensy bit of special treatment because it’s his dad’s company, and shoves himself into the seat farthest back on the school bus, next to Barbara. Artemis took the one-seater. Lucky her.

(Well, not really. Dick  _ likes  _ sitting next to Barbara. But it’s the principle of the thing, to get upset when someone else gets the one-seater. Not that he really  _ gets  _ it because he gets driven to school by Alfred and never rode on a school bus once from birth to age eight, and only uses them during school trips, but still.)

He gets the window seat because Artemis likes Barbara better than him (he thinks she probably likes Robin better than Barbara, but like. Whatever) but he’s not complaining. Gotham Academy is up in Bristol just like the Manor, so they have to cross a bridge to get into the actual city where Wayne Tower is.

(Dick _ much  _ prefers the shortcut in the underwater tunnels the Batmobile usually takes, or even just using Zetas to get into the city. For example, there’s zeta tubes built into the secret bunker under Wayne Tower that Batman uses to store the tech that Lucius makes them, and Dick  _ knows  _ that’s how Bruce gets to work every day. Or most days. Well, the days when patrol is particularly rough and he doesn’t feel like making a show of driving to work. Other days Dick knows he uses the tunnels because they’re simpler and no one questions it. Still. Dick doesn’t like traffic. Sigh.)

Anyway, it’s like, an hour long ride with traffic and at some point the entire bus starts singing the iCarly theme song for some reason and Dick gets yelled at for standing on the seat so he can participate. It’s a fun time. But anyway. 

He texts Bruce that he’s going on the field trip. Bruce responds with a thumbs up emoji, and then sends a message that says “this meeting I’m in is  _ not  _ lit” with a fire emoji after it and a water emoji as if he’s trying to put out the fire. He does this because he is trying to be a Cool Dad, but Dick is not impressed. Bruce is like, somewhere between twenty-five and thirty-two (he’s actually like, 29-ish), Dick thinks, and it’s not even cool at  _ all.  _ Stop trying to be cool, Bruce. Just  _ stop.  _ Dick texts him and says “please don’t embarrass me today, also my teacher says you have to sign my permission slip and show her all of my medical records so she can tell the hospital in case I somehow die on this trip because my (dead) parents and/or legal guardians won’t be there on the trip to tell them even though you  _ will _ be there, so please have a pen ready when we meet with you today so you can sign my permission slip that's in my backpack.”

Bruce says “OK.” The conversation is over.

Someone on the bus says a little too loudly that “because Bruce Wayne is a DILF, Claire—” and it’s  _ silent _ , and then the same someone says, “wait is Dick Grayson on this bus or the other bus” and it’s even  _ more  _ silent because they all look towards the back of the bus and they’ve seen Dick’s head poking up above the seats on the bus before so they know he’s there, and all eyes are on him and he ducks down real quick and curls into a ball in the corner and Barbara and Artemis  _ explode  _ into laughter while Dick mentally adds those people to the List of who Robin is going to take an extra minute hesitating to save at some point.

Because  _ ew.  _ That’s his DAD. Stop it, you weird Gothamite freaks.

And Artemis caught that shit on camera and he  _ knows  _ it’s going to be sent to the whole team—which is precisely why he leaves his  _ other  _ phone at home when he goes to school, Artemis doesn’t need to see Dick Grayson getting Snapchats that she sent to Robin—and now  _ Wally _ is going to see it and he’ll  _ never _ let it go because Wally  _ knows  _ and because that’s what a best pal is for or whatever. Wally’s words, not his.

He hopes it doesn’t become a meme. He doesn’t need everyone screaming “Bruce Wayne is a DILF” in the mind link during missions because that will  _ absolutely  _ distract him and Robin is supposed to be  _ good  _ at focusing on missions, you know. Not that he’s good at focusing anyway, but that’s not the point.

At least they didn’t say  _ Batman  _ was a dilf, but like, they’re unknowingly implying it (with the exception of Wally, who is fully aware of his crimes against humanity and his best friend), and that is why Dick has never been so happy to arrive at Wayne Tower. Ever. Like really ever. He doesn’t love it here.

* * *

Well, okay, sure, heads spin in the lobby because school groups aren’t exactly a rare occurrence around here, but everyone in this godforsaken building seems to flip out when  _ Dick Grayson  _ walks through the doors, and Kathy over at reception just gives him a sad smile and waves because she  _ knows  _ he hates this. She used to let him hide under her desk and draw with crayons while Bruce was in meetings when he was a kid and it was  _ great _ and she’s like, the  _ only  _ person he here actually likes aside from Bruce and Lucius and like, two other people.

And then the tour guide (Dick can’t remember her name at the moment but he thinks she’s a little  _ too  _ invested, here) comes over and introduces herself as Grace and Dick remembers Grace from when he was ten and she asked why Bruce brought him to work on March 31st when he was supposed to be at school but really didn’t want to be away from his family at the time, and Bruce just told her to “go do your job, Grace,” so no, Dick doesn’t like Grace.

Dick decides to call her Grape because her shirt is the color of a grape, and he doesn’t like her. But he won’t say that to her face because he’s in public and in a Wayne Enterprises building so everyone here is definitely watching him on some level and he knows better than to start a PR nightmare when he’s _literally_ _surrounded_ by their PR agents, so he doesn’t say it out loud. 

Maybe he whispers it to Barbara and she laughs. But anyway.

Grape says something about welcome to wayne tower, blah blah blah, and Dick tunes her out and wanders over to talk to Kathy at reception because he  _ likes  _ Kathy and she gave him a dvd copy of Dumbo when he was little because her kids were too old for it, and he likes that movie because he likes elephants a  _ lot,  _ and the circus, and because he, also, has big ears and mommy issues. Kathy is  _ nice  _ and he asks how her kids are—they’re good, her son is graduating college this spring and her daughter just got married—and all that fancy stuff that Bruce taught him to do when talking to WE employees because it’s Polite, or whatever. 

Then one of the teachers yells at him for wandering away from the group and he sighs and walks back over where they’re all taking turns piling into the elevators and Dick really kind of wishes he could take the express elevator to Bruce’s office and hide out there all day, but also they have other stops on the tour before they all meet Bruce and also the express elevator is a secret only Batman and Robin and Alfred and Lucius know about because it connects to what he’s dubbed the Bat Bunker downstairs so he can’t  _ do  _ that.

So he gets in the elevator and waves and smiles at passing WE employees and acts as Fancy and Formal and Polite as he possibly can, and he channels his inner Brucie Wayne as much as possible and is  _ so bored. _

SIGH. That’s his mood today. Just sigh. 

Stupid Tour Guide Grape leaves the kids alone at exactly 12:00pm in the Visitor Cafeteria on the nineteenth floor to get lunch, but Dick says fuck that. Because they don’t have any cool stuff in the Visitor Cafeteria. And all the other students have to  _ pay  _ for their lunches here, maybe it’s only ten dollars a person (and they’re all rich, so money doesn’t really matter) and they can get whatever they want like a buffet, but that’s still  _ dumb  _ because Dick practically owns the company, so he tells Barbara and Artemis to follow him and they sneak off the the elevator and head up to the 31st floor.

Because the 31st floor has the  _ employee  _ cafeteria, where there is a  _ McDonald’s  _ and a  _ Dunkin  _ and Dick can get everything for  _ free  _ here so he can get his friends  _ free  _ lunch.

Okay maybe he could’ve gotten free lunch in the visitor cafeteria too, but like, nah. It’s not as good.

Bruce is probably going to yell at him for getting McDonald’s,  _ especially  _ when they have patrol tonight  _ and  _ it’s been three weeks since the last Arkham outbreak so they’re expecting one any minute now so they have to be at the top of their game at the moment and eating McDonald’s does  _ not  _ contribute to that, but like,  _ he’s  _ the one who let them have a restaurant in  _ his  _ company’s building, so Bruce is  _ dumb _ and his opinion doesn’t matter.

(He still makes a mental note to erase himself and his friends from the security footage from today, because he doesn’t  _ think  _ Bruce will ever end up checking it for today, but like… he’s  _ Batman _ , so you never know.)

They sneak back downstairs just in time to leave for the next part of the tour and Dick knows Bruce is still in a board meeting right now (it’s like, an actually  _ important _ meeting for once, so Bruce can’t blow it off and he hates it just as much as Dick does) so while everyone is like “omg are we gonna meet Bruce Wayne yet” Dick just hangs out at the back of the group and pretends to be polite to all the employees and visitors around and completely tunes out Grape’s stupid voice.

They get to the part of the tower where WayneTech is centered, and Dick almost cries of happiness when he sees Lucius Fox because  _ finally Grape isn’t gonna be lecturing us and casually judging everything I do now!!!!!! _

And Lucius does sorta single him out and Dick kind of maybe does go run up and say hi and shove some of his classmates out of the way and totally “accidentally” steps on Grape’s foot but he doesn’t care because finally someone he actually  _ knows  _ is here! Yay!

And if  _ Lucius _ is here, and Lucius was in the meeting with Bruce, that means that Bruce is out of the meeting too, so  _ maybe _ Dick can go get his permission slip signed so he can wave it in his teacher’s face because  _ god he is bored and wants free reign of the building so he can do flips in the hallway and play Minecraft on Bruce’s work computer  _ and so he makes a big deal of asking Lucius if Bruce is out of his meeting because he needs to get his permission slip signed and he’s told that yes, Bruce  _ is  _ out of the meeting and if you want to go up to his office you can—

But then stupid Grape says that Dick should probably stay on the tour because we’ll get upstairs later, and because that’s what he’s here for, isn’t it? The tour? And his teachers and the chaperones all agree because That’s How It Works, Dick, and Dick is  _ so tired. _

He walks to the back of the crowd again and Artemis says “Nice try,” and Barbara says, “Sorry take your kid to work day isn’t working out for you,” and Dick just pulls his hoodie up over his head and pulls the strings tight in annoyance.

He spends the rest of the tour moping like that and mocking Grape to his friends from the back of the group, and then they get to the top floor, and Grape goes and says they get to meet Bruce now because this is where his office is and they’re still all getting out of the elevator when they’re told this and before Grape is even done talking Dick rips the permission slip out of his backpack and sprints past security, literally flipping over the counter (the guards don’t even blink at him because they all know him and expect this by now), and swings the door open to Bruce’s office. 

The class only hears him yell “HEY B CAN YOU SIGN THIS—” as he slams it shut behind him because Bruce’s office is soundproof (obviously, he’s Batman), and Barbara and Artemis share a Look™️, and Grape (who Dick shoved out of his way in his rush) is all confused and brushes herself off and says, “Well Mister Wayne  _ was  _ going to be with us in a minute, but—”

And then the door opens and Bruce walks out and greets them all and does his Thing, but the class can see behind him that Dick’s spinning around in Bruce’s desk chair making a piece of paper (the permission slip?) into some kind of origami and no longer looks that bored and after Bruce finishes whatever he’s saying, he yells at the class that “sorry guys Bruce didn’t sign my permission slip so I guess I have to stay here cause I can’t be on the trip anymore and my legal guardian has to come get me and take me home but he’s right here so I’m being picked up now!! have fun back at school!!!” And just gives them a GREAT BIG smile and like, he’s having a BLAST cause Dick just likes hanging out in Bruce’s office and also he hates school buses with a passion and after Bruce goes back inside and shuts the door so the trip is over, Artemis hands Barbara $10 and says, “you win,” because Barbara bet her that Dick would end up staying at WE and Artemis said, “No way that he’s going to get away with it,” but then it happened anyway and she lost the bet.

(Yeah, there was never any hope of him actually getting that permission slip signed.)


End file.
